Was this my baby?
It took me about 5 months to accept that I wasn’t returning my son, he was mine to keep. I felt this way because I babysat since I was 8 years old and it felt like another babysitting job. Nope, it wasn’t! My son was staying and I’m going to have to feed him, cloth him, nurture him, and change his diapers.
Baby takes up a lot of your time, I quickly realized. My son cried throughout the night, every night. He didn’t want Andrew, he only wanted me. I was exhausted and felt so overwhelmed. I’m pretty good at handling stress, but this stress this was another level for me. I felt like I needed Andrew to help me with everything. I just wanted some “me” time.
Is it wrong to want some “me” time? I told Andrew how I felt and he suggested for me to get a new haircut, a manicure and pedicure. He said, “I’ll do whatever I can so you don’t go into that thing that they called post-partum depression, I heard it’s not a good thing.” I knew I didn’t have post-partum depression, but the baby blues, I definitely had it. So I took a couple of hours to myself.
What I realized?
There’s nothing wrong with some “me” time. I just had a baby overnight and this is totally new to me. It wasn’t like a baby was given to me slowly to help me transition into motherhood. Andrew and I knew we were going to deliver a baby someday, but it was waking up next and there’s a human body in a hospital crib that’s yours to keep forever and that human body was going to call you Mommy and Daddy. So I made and oath to myself that I will always make sure I get some me time and definitely put myself first. Because I know when I feel crappy, I won't be giving the best of me to my loved ones.
So if you’re a new mom or already a mom…go take some time for yourself. You deserve it!! I call it healthy selfishness, it’s not greedy selfishness. You need to go find what all the yogis call “your center”. This is an intangible place located within you that is the best you possible. This safe place is where it offers renewal and refreshment. You want to give the best of you to your loved ones, not the worst of you.
What my son showed me?
My son showed me that I’m not a supermom and it’s totally fine. He just wants me to be his mom and take care of him and love him. It’s okay that there are dishes in the sink and laundry is not done yet. I can’t still do it all and he’s 3 years old now and more independent. Trust me, I’m still haven't reached the supermom status and I’m not trying to reach it. I’m trying to just be present each day with him and continue to create memories.
My son has been a blessing because he’s given many reasons to work harder and not come up with excuses. He’s shown me the true meaning of unconditional love. He’s the reason I wake up every day with a smile on my face, even when he drives me crazy.
To all the mothers out there, I feel you! I’m sending you lots of love and hugs and tell you got this, but remember to take some health selfishness breaks.
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